Just Don't Do It: A Meditation on Forcing
Thursday is under-appreciated. Everyone loves Friday. Saturday too. Sunday is fun and easy (unless you live in my home and we're late for church). People pretend to love Monday because it makes them seem "hashtag hardworking" because "hashtag the grind don't stop." Ok cool woo good for you. Everyone who cares gathered for your party:
Tuesday is blah and Wednesday, honestly, is full of itself (that smug "nes' in the middle, amirite?). Thursday is the unassuming hero of the modern Gregorian calendar.
Thursdays are my, and Abel Tesfaye's, favorite days. I can almost always bet on winning on a Thursday. This is why I chose Thursdays for my bi-weekly blog postings and why I struggled so intensely this past week to bring you this post.
My blog formula is pretty simple: do something + (think about it x think about it again) + write about it(oversized, overpriced beverage + instrumentals) - "your writing is bad" + (obscure references x song lyrics x things only you find funny x gifs) =
#NewPostThursdays👐🏾✨ #FromTheDeskOfAAllen✒️
Excuse me if the math on that is off. I have two communication degrees for a reason (i.e. I am not a scientist). What I am is an intelligent, funny, well spoken, personable, and resourceful young African American woman using her talents to get where she wants to be in life. Also, I am always about 10 minutes late to everything because time is math and again, I'm not a scientist. Remember folks, I'm all about that sweet, sweet self awareness.
Blogging is a way to accentuate my positives and force me to deal with my shortcomings. Thursdays were the natural choice to display all this internal grappling I do.
"One day you're in, the next you're out," Heidi Klum so snarkily reminds us every episode of Project Runway. This week, I'm out. Since Friday, I have been struggling to come up with something to write for this week's post. I kept trying to ring meaning out of every little thing; from weekend tacos to online fall wardrobe shopping. I started new Netflix shows looking for a vibe, took the longest way home trying to do that "free your mind on the open road" thing. I even worked up my "mode" (after so pedantically panning DJay for only doing things when his was right). But nothing worked.
"Avery talks excessively" is a direct quote about me. It's the talking that inspires the doings that become the posts. Often I am asked about my inspiration. Usually the answer is "just different things" (see janky math in paragraph 2).
Inquiring minds want to know so here it is --- I have no idea.
This is great from a flexibility standpoint because it means everything is on the table. Currently, I have a post I wrote at 3am after having a dream about horses getting married, two recordings where I dictated posts on separating the personal and the professional online, and how to deal with branding boredom that is actually a 620-word draft. However, from a more pragmatic view, not having reliable inspiration sources is terrible because I end up in situations like this --- it's a new post Thursday, its 11:34am, and I am writing frantically to get finished before I have to leave for an event at 12pm so I can at a least get something out today to maintain the continuity I value so highly.
"Well Aves, why didn't you use 'Ooh Look, Horses!: A Mediation on Not Being Taken Seriously'," "'Drama on the TL: A Mediation on Keeping It Cute' sounds pretty solid," "just finish 'Keep the Tricks Guessing: A Meditation on Branding' and post," you exclaim, perplexed and somewhat frustrated.
I couldn't use them because they had no sauce. And we all know what Godfather Gucci Mane said about sauce.
They were also incredibly forced. I was reaching. It's pretty standard for my posts to have level of Space Jam Michael Jordan but these were all like "nah sis you're doing both a lot and nothing." I was going to just suffer through the branding thing and plan to do better for October 5th but my body was physically rejecting it. I was knees hurt, my fingers weren't whizzing across my Macbook Pro like they usually do, and my eyes were crossing. It was bad.
Just as I resigned to be like the 2013 Howard Homecoming EPIC and shut down this whole shebang, I had an idea.
Instead of fighting the giant steaming garbage monster that was my lack of inspiration, I worked with it. Befriending the steaming giant garbage monster allowed me to free myself in a sense. Our friendship changed my perspective on how I run my blog and ultimately my business*.
I can't just give up in the face of a wall. I never have. I have never missed assignments in school. Turned them in late, even super late, so late why even bother doing them? YES! DEFINITELY! They made it in though☝🏾. And they made it with a nice note explaining the tardiness (and once an apology selfie).
Failure isn't an option. It happens all the time, even on a beloved Thursday. I've failed quite a bit. I've also won many times over. Failure isn't what matters. How one behaves in the face of failure is what determines success (I feel at this juncture it would be appropriate for a team of moderately athletic youths with hearts of gold to run onto a sports surface to win a title).
My grandfather Joseph Mathis used to say "to the victor go the spoils." In order to be victorious, you can't quit. Even when you have a great gif to illustrate how you look doing just that. Tenacity is what this game of life and business and growth are all about.
So here it is. The final scratches to the finish line of this post. Thanks for reading and see you all in two weeks after I have properly recovered.
*The steaming giant garbage monster's name is Oceola. We're getting margs and splitting fajitas later. She's lovely really just misunderstood.
